Serve up an extra-wide wedge of cake in honor of the 39th birthday of the biggest Brown of all time. The Pounding Father, when he hits the field this season, will become the oldest non-kicker in Browns history.

They say he’s an ornery cuss, but after 231 games in the middle of all those melees, he oughta be. He’d probably hate this post, because it touches on three sore spots: his age, weight, and circumstances of his birth.

Nonetheless, best wishes, um, sir. I’m pulling for you, because you’re the last player allowing me to deny that I’m older than the entire team.

Seriously, Ted Washington is a four-time Pro Bowler, and his 61 tackles last season (43 solo) were the most he’s had since 2000. The upcoming season may be his last, but there’s no good reason to think he’s out of gas. He’s still the best option at the nose on first and second downs.