CHARGERS 26, BROWNS 20

With the Browns bedecked in their orange jerseys, Tim Couch turned into a pumpkin. Playing scared behind a patchwork line, he failed to puncture the league’s second-worst defense. His two interceptions returned us to the distinctly painful impression that he looks more like an overwhelmed rookie than a franchise-quality field general. True, his supporting troops not only failed to rescue the offense, but in fact made this homestand a desperate lost cause with myriad drops, fumbles, and penalties.

Down 23-6 in the third quarter, Couch was benched. Kelly Holcomb, hobbled but healing, passed for two quick touchdowns to make a game of it. But like the infamous home game against the Ravens last year, the rally in relief fell short.

Defensively, the league’s only winless team ran us over. Reaction to the cutbacks of LaDainian Tomlinson was slower than, well, slower than my undercaffeinated mind can come up with an apt analogy. Again, they kept the receivers in check, but spotty tackling remains the bugaboo of this inconsistent but developing unit.

Sure, the Chargers had the motivation of the proverbial monkey to shed from their back, and they had their bye week to prepare. But it was no exceptionally electric performance that powered this victory. They turned the ball over twice, and they had more penalties (12) than completed passes (nine).

This game showed beyond any doubt that the 2003 Browns are a talented team in turmoil — beset not just by injury, but by an inconsistency in effort that transcends the excuse of inexperience. As good as they seemed in Pittsburgh, they have played patsy — at home no less — to two winless teams. Their three wins were all over losing teams. The combined record of the four teams that have beaten them (excluding those games) is just 7-13.

It’s easy to lay this at the feet of the coach and his staff, and to some extent I do blame them for the team’s apparent lack of unity, lack of fearlessness, and lack of strategic adjustments. But the individual mistakes yesterday were also too egregious to ignore, and they were the real cause of this loss. Let’s air this all out, in order:

— First drive: 3rd-and-7 pass to Northcutt gains just six yards.

— Coach Davis declines to go for 4th-and-1 from the SD 29. Dawson pulls 46-yard field goal attempt wide left. Chargers take over from their 37 (worse than if they’d run and failed).

— With SD facing 3rd-and-8, Lewis Sanders is called for interference, keeping alive a drive that ended with a field goad.

— Andre Davis returns the ensuing kickoff 46 yards to near midfield, but Felipe Claybrooks is called for holding, so the Browns start at their own 16 and go three-and-out.

— On 3rd-and-4, Quincy Morgan is wide open in the flat. He flat-out drops a perfect pass, and the Browns must punt.

— On Chargers’ first play of the drive, Browns allow Tomlinson to scamper 27 yards off right guard.

— After an 11-yard completion to David Boston, Anthony Henry grabs his face mask, giving them another five yards, just enough, it turns out, to allow Steve Christie to hit a field goal from 50 yards.

— On a trick play from San Diego’s 33, KJ ignores the open field ahead of him, which would have taken the ball well into field goal range. Instead, he opts to throw for a less-open Quincy Morgan. Underthrown. No gain. No points on that drive.

— Next Browns drive, 3rd-and-3, KJ catches the ball but falls back behind the first-down line before being touched. Three-and-out.

— Next Browns drive, 3rd-down pass dropped by Jamel White. Three-and-out.

— After allowing consecutive seven-yard runs, Earl Little is called for a 15-yard face mask penalty.

— Tim Couch fails to look off the safety, telegraphs his throw, which Kwame Lassiter runs back for the game’s first touchdown.

— Chad Beasley, starting his first NFL game, is called for holding to start the Browns’ next drive.

— 3rd-and-7 pass to Northcutt gains, again, just six yards.

— 3rd-and-4 dumpoff pass to Jamel White gains just two yards.

— Again, on Chargers’ first play of a drive, Browns overpursue, miss several tackles, and let Tomlinson romp 70 yards for a score.

— William Green’s second fumble of the game (the first was nullified by a penalty) takes the luster off his 14-yard run. Fortunately Steve Heiden falls on it. Green is benched.

— Unfortunately, on the next play, Couch throws another ugly interception, setting up a SD field goal. Couch is benched.

— From Chargers’ 15, Heiden drops an easy Holcomb pass. He atones on the next play with an 11-yard catch.

— With Browns down three in the fourth quarter, SD throws incomplete on third down, but Andra Davis makes contact with Drew Brees’ helmet. The penalty keeps the drive alive. The Chargers run ten more plays and six more minutes off the clock before kicking a field goal.

— Desperate on 4th-and-8, Browns must go it. Holcomb finds the open man, but his pass forces KJ to adjust. The ball hits his pads. Drive ends.

— With just 35 seconds to go, Chargers punt from the Cleveland 31. Despite the ridiculously short field, the Browns put Northcutt deep, rather than rushing 11 men in an all-out effort to block the punt and score the touchdown they need. Earlier in the game, they grazed a punt and saw SD botch a field goal attempt. But this Bennett punt was unhurried, and the play took ten seconds off the clock. Even with a gift touchback, without any timeouts, the game ends on the Cleveland half of the field.

After this litany, you may be thinking, hey Ace, no fair. You’ve just edited out all of the Browns’ good plays. Any game is a mix of both mistakes and triumphs. Be fair. Courtney Brown had another monster game. The corners held Boston in check. The battered line allow the Browns to gain 4.6 yards per rush while losing only 16 yards due to sacks. James Jackson had a very good game off the bench. Kevin Bentley had a season-high ten tackles.

True, but when your overall effort is not enough to survive a home game against a winless team, something is seriously wrong. The quarterback position is both dangerous and divisive. The skill players are having trouble holding onto the ball. The defense starts drives flatfooted. Penalties continue to destroy momentum. Befuddling. Disappointing. Exasperating.

But, hey, this is the NFL, and these are the Browns. We’ve got ’em just where we want ’em, folks. This could really be our year.