PATRIOTS 9, BROWNS 3
Q. Why did the Browns lose this game?
A. Simple. Blocking and tackling. The Patriots were better at both.
Q. How many touchdowns have the Browns scored in their first eight games?
A. Holcomb (10) plus Couch (2) = 12.
Q. Which Brown has gained the most yards per carry this year?
A. Phil Dawson.
Q. Ya, but he’s a kicker. Who’s next then?
A. Brant Boyer.
Q. Isn’t he a backup linebacker?
A. He’s the closest thing I’ve seen to a fullback this year.
Q. Can’t we use injuries as an excuse for losing today?
A. Go ahead. The Browns listed seven players on the latest injury report. New England had 14. That’s right, 14-7. Looks like the score of a football game with touchdowns, huh?
Q. Don’t you feel better knowing that the Browns have now held three different teams to just field goals?
A. I’d feel better if we would win at least half of the time that happens.
Q. How did Quincy Morgan do?
A. Just one for two yards.
Q. You’re looking at the rushing stats. Remember he ran that end around?
A. Oh yeah, right. The receiving stats are the same: Morgan — one for two yards.
Q. Well then why was he named one of the team’s captains for the game?
A. Because they knew he’d let the coin fall to the ground.
Q. Why wasn’t Courtney Brown, the Browns’ leading sacker, on the field for that key third-and-six with 3:08 to go, when Tom Brady stood in the pocket until he found the open man?
A. I don’t know. They were coming off a time out, so the coaches definitely had the players they wanted on the field. They rotate the linemen to keep them fresh. So Courtney won’t be tired next week.
Q. What are you talking about? They’re on BYE next week!
A. See, he won’t be tired!
Q. That makes about as much sense as Melvin Fowler’s snap timing. What happened there?
A. Fowler thought they were running the same play they ran last year against Baltimore, the one where the quarterback chases the ball in the backfield and ends up with a concussion.
Q. Why would they do that again?
A. They were setting up something really good to run off it later.
Q. Very funny. Now seriously, who would you say were the Browns’ MVPs of this game?
A. Offense: James Jackson. Defense: Ben Taylor. Special teams: Chris Gardocki.
Q. Which players have gotten better as the year has gone on?
A. Paul Zukauskas, Andre Davis, Ben Taylor, Kevin Bentley, and Daylon McCutcheon.
Q. Which players have hit a slump in the past few weeks?
A. Andra Davis, Mark Word, and Quincy Morgan.
Q. Who’s the team’s MVP so far this season?
A. Courtney Brown.
Q. Who’s the biggest disappointment?
A. Gerard Warren.
Q. What’s the biggest surprise?
A. That the offense would have such trouble scoring.
Q. Do you think they relied too much on William Green?
A. Yes. He had a career-high 59 carries in two weeks, then the next week he hurts his right shoulder and has to miss the first game of his career. I think getting worn down makes you more susceptible to re-injuring previous problem areas. Green just “shouldered” too much of the load, the same shoulder that hampered him thoughout training camp in 2002.
Q. What about the quarterback situation?
A. Neither one is a star. Both are competent. The Browns move better with Holcomb, in part because he gets rid of the ball faster. Tim’s confidence is really shaken. The black eye he sported today seemed symbolic of his psyche. Re-injuring the same right thumb that cost him most of the 2000 season won’t help either. He’ll be a solid starter in someone else’s scheme next year. So look for Holcomb to play every down he can physically tolerate from here on out.
Q. Do the Browns have any more of their former coaches on the schedule this year?
A. Thankfully not.
Q. What is Butch’s real first name?
A. Paul.
Q. As in Paul Brown?
A. No. As in Paul Bearer.
