Give me victory or give me … um, a coupon

In the face of network blackouts and fan “brownout” demonstrations, I have a specific suggestion for Randy Lerner during this most disheartening time. Read the full piece here.

So here’s my far-fetched but heartfelt proposal to the Browns brass: give me victory or give me … um, a coupon.

Ridiculous? Maybe, but we’re beyond that now. Besides, Randy Lerner’s an old credit card guy. Just call it a Loyalty Reward. Fans attending the games regularly shell out more than is delivered back to them. So if the team can’t do it on the field, the front office ought to do it through the mail.

Here’s how it could work: whenever the Browns lose at home in regulation and fail to score even a single touchdown in the process, the team should recognize that fans did not get anything passably close to what they paid for. Fourth-quarter scores that don’t narrow the deficit to within 14 points don’t count. Ticket stubs should be redeemable for $30 toward a future ticket purchase.